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Yelling This In The Car. by ~ElectroBaby:iconElectroBaby:



Yes, I know about white lies and brown eyes,
                and being broken down on a toilet,
     about being in love with people that don't exist,
                                        and the ones that do,
   if you had a real conversation with,
       you'd find yourself disappointed.

I know what it is to be afraid
          to leave your driveway

and for people to die
and the world to not stop turning.

The world
DOES NOT
STOP
turning.
©2008-2009 ~ElectroBaby
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Submitted: February 15, 2008
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Author's Comments

I was yelling this in my car on the drive home from work. An overwhelming emotion, a trance.

This is not finished, but I can't tell just yet where it was or is going.

(c) Misty Dunlap, Feb. 15th, 2008, 10:07 p.m.

This will probably change over time. Who knows. Steph was the first to hear this. What do you think?
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Comments


Awesome. I really love the first half; filled with truths!

Once again, great work.
muy bien! very good, I like it!

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Come view: *Electrobaby'sA contest A Year in the Making!
[link]
it's always turning, just gotta learn to roll with it i guess... easy to say, hard to do sometimes

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Remember Hannah. news article --> [link] TV program --> [link] Depression should never be fought alone.
As it stands " and the world not stop turning" is a perfect last line.

You may wish to develop these ideas in some further direction. I don't feel that the last four lines help your cause. They threaten to overstate.

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There's always a better poem just out of reach.

Words create situations

The roots of the future run deep
"and the world to not stop turning."

After this line, I want more.

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Expect the worst, accept the worst, demand the worst.
me too. Why inspiration! Why did you leave me!

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A Contest A Year In The Making. Click here for details [link] and get in on the year round fun!
I've been mulling that over in my head. Repetition can sometimes be superfluous, and I really don't want to weaken an already not fully developed poem. I will think over the possibilities of adding something, or ending where you suggested.

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A Contest A Year In The Making. Click here for details [link] and get in on the year round fun!
I know. But the injustice is still felt when someone so influential in your life or others' lives is not even given a second of pause by the world. People continue to drink their coffee, check their horoscopes, etc. while your world is left partly in ruins.

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A Contest A Year In The Making. Click here for details [link] and get in on the year round fun!
thanks :)

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A Contest A Year In The Making. Click here for details [link] and get in on the year round fun!
I'm really appreciating the depth and meaning behind this poem...

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The human heart has hidden treasures,
In secret kept, in silence sealed.

-Charlotte Bronte

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